Distance
by beMMADfabulous
Summary: Carson/Hughes story based on the Christina Perri song of the same name. 'And I will make sure to keep my distance, say I love you when you're not listening...'
1. Chapter 1

**Distance**

Elsie stood in a daze as she watched a golden ray of sun shine through the small box window and pour down her body, creep down the age-scarred table, and spread across the dark wooden floor. She barely stirred as Charles entered the room, yet his presence was certainly welcome. She wondered what he was thinking as she felt his eyes on her. It was almost as if she could have heard his thoughts in the resounding silence of the room. Finally she turned to him with a warm smile.

"Good morning, Mr. Carson," she greeted him.

"Good morning," he returned. "Did you sleep well?"

With that, they fell into their typical morning conversation. Elsie wasn't sure whether or not it were her imagination, but these talks had always sounded to her as if they were between two people who would discuss anything in order to avoid the real issue at hand. She wondered if Charles thought the same, and she wondered how the two of them sounded to the others, particularly the more curious ones, and if they had ever suspected anything between Charles and herself.

Sometimes Elsie imagined them going on like this forever. They would continue to enjoy each other's company and friendship and would often pause to ponder the depths of their relationship, never caring to break away from the chase long enough to make any real advances. However, in times like these, when their eyes would lock together, and the only sound filling her ears was the frantic pounding of her heartbeat and a coil low in her belly would writhe and twist till it threatened to snap, Elsie wished there could be something more. As they currently stood, though, she didn't know what to name whatever type of relationship the two of them had. Was it love? She wasn't certain she knew how sincere love felt, but this, she conceded, was the closest she could ever imagine having that feeling.

"I have to go make certain everything is running smoothly in the kitchen," Elsie spoke at last, her voice sounding raspy to her own ears.

"May I see you later?" Charles asked with a note of disappointment in his voice.

She paused. At first it sounded like a silly request; _of course_ he would see her later; he always did. Then the realization of what he was asking, as well as the evidence of his uncharacteristic nervous fidgeting, came to her suddenly.

"When?"

"How about tonight, perhaps in your sitting room?"

Elsie nodded. They had spent numerous evenings drinking tea together in that room. This was nothing out of the ordinary, she was certain; still, she could not shake the childish feeling of excitement that lay heavy on her chest.

"I shall see you then," she answered before turning to hurry toward the kitchen, squeezing her eyes shut in an effort to rid her mind of those soft, kind eyes smiling at her...

**To be continued**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Elsie jolted at the sound of the soft knock at her door. As she rose from her chair and smoothed out any wrinkles from her dress and stray hairs from her head, she smiled at the knowledge that even if she hadn't been expecting him, she would have been able to identify Charles at the door simply by the sound of his hesitant knock. She greeted him with an inviting smile that caused his pulse to quicken.

"Would you care to come inside, Mr. Carson, or did you plan on meeting in the hall? I'm not certain of how comfortable it would be to have tea out there."

Charles' cheeks flushed slightly as he hurried in the room. Elsie could not imagine what had gotten into him, as he certainly seemed to have been acting strangely all day. She sat down across the small table from him, finding his look of uncertainty, that he was clearly trying to hide, quite endearing. She wanted to ask him how his day had been, but she didn't want him to think she was stepping back into their old pattern of avoidance through petty conversation.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

"Yes," he replied, looking ashamed. "I apologize..."

"No need," she said, still concerned. "As long as you _are_ all right..."

"I am."

There was a pause as Elsie took a deep breath.

"Would you like some tea?" she asked, hoping to return some resemblance of normalcy between the two of them.

"Please," he answered, only now realizing how dry his mouth was.

Charles reached to help her with the teapot but only succeeded in placing his hand over hers. His hand on hers burned hotter than the warmth from the freshly boiled tea. She stared down at their linked hands, unsure whether she wanted to withdraw from him or keep her hand still. He silently pulled away at last, and Elsie found herself glad that he did not apologize. For the remainder of the evening, she would be torn between fear of reaching for the teapot again in case their hands happened to connect once more and the alternative of actually hoping that they would. As their eyes locked, she couldn't help but wonder how long they would be able to keep up the pretense that all was well.

"May I ask you a question?" Elsie asked, breaking their eye contact and looking down at her teacup to watch the steam rise from the liquid.

"Of course," he said as he absentmindedly stirred the tea in his own cup with a spoon.

"Why did you request to see me tonight?"

Just as she had feared, the words sounded silly now that she had spoken them aloud. They were friends. Best friends. They frequently had tea together; it wasn't like it was a proposition for... well, _anything more_. Why _else_ would he want to see her?

Charles gave a chuckle and a half smile.

"You'll think it foolish," he admitted sheepishly.

Elsie tilted her head to the side just a bit.

"Try me."

**To be continued**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Charles had crossed a boundary he knew he could never undo. Excuses tangled around truth in his mind as Elsie watched and waited for his response to her question. He couldn't lie to her, he never could, but in that moment, when the amount of dignity he would have afterward was questionable, he toyed with the wish that he could go back and, quite frankly, have kept his mouth shut.

He shrugged, deciding to share the easiest bit of information first.

"I wanted to spend some time with you."

Elsie watched his face intently as if waiting for more. For a moment, she wondered if that were truly all there was to it. After all, the man didn't really need a reason more. Still, there was a certain flash in his eyes that led her to believe there was something he wasn't saying.

"And?" she pressed on.

Charles chuckled softly.

"And I _enjoy _spending time with you."

Elsie inhaled deeply and held the breath for a moment as she considered this. She could have argued that his two statements held little difference, but she knew Charles, and she knew that, in time, he would share what was on his mind. He had a way of always showing her rather than telling her, and that was one of her favorite things about him.

Elsie's attention drifted to their hands, only a finger's reach away, resting on the table, and this distance somehow now unnerved her more than when his hand had actually been fully covering hers. She waited for him to make his move. When Charles lifted his eyes to meet hers, his sad, almost apologetic expression left her knowing exactly where they stood in that moment. Reluctantly, Elsie slipped her hand from the table and back to her lap.

"I think it's time for me to go," Charles spoke in a low voice.

The unmasked look of sadness on her face made him want to forget propriety and pull her fully into his arms, but he could not imagine her accepting his advances. They stood together, neither speaking a word. Elsie deliberately held back, keeping a solid distance of more than seemed normal and comfortable between the two of them.

"Goodnight, Mrs. Hughes," he said in all but a whisper.

"Goodnight," she replied quietly, struggling to find her voice.

She generally would have walked with him, at least to the door, but tonight she stood rooted in her spot, as if she were afraid the world would crumble with just one step. Once Charles had shut the door behind him, Elsie whispered aloud the same small words she did whenever she was certain he was just out of reach.

"I love you."

**To be continued**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Charles stood idly at Elsie's closed door. Walking away would mean defeat, but he was convinced that he had already allowed himself to be defeated simply by keeping Elsie pushed at a distance all evening, which hadn't at all been his intent. He heaved a silent sigh in a vain attempt to relieve some of the tension clutching at his chest.

"I love you," he finally confessed to apparently no one but the wooden door and the empty hallway.

The words seemed so arbitrary, so helpless now that he had released them without Elsie to hear. Now he supposed she never would. He wasn't sure whether it was courage or cowardice that finally turned him away from her door, but whatever it was, it hurt like a sudden blow straight to the stomach.

Elsie buried her face in her pillow, the chill of the pillowcase cooling her hot cheeks and stinging eyes. She could never have imagined that a day which held so much promise could disintegrate with little notice, but she felt solely at blame. Perhaps she had somehow pushed Charles too hard?

He stared at a spot on the ceiling as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. His mind raced with bad memories and should-have-beens that the day had brought. What a fool he had been! Elsie must have been glad to see him leave, considering the confusion and annoyance he had clearly caused her that evening. As he began to toss and turn in bed, desperate for comfort that he could not find, he was aware, yet uncaring, that although it was late, he no longer felt the pull of sleep. It would certainly be one long, miserable night...

Elsie woke long before it was necessary, not that she had really slept much anyway, but still found it difficult to find a reason to get out of bed. Her body felt heavy as she forced herself to get ready for a day that she was not prepared to face. By the time she had managed to be ready for the day, she was almost running late. Perhaps work, if nothing else, could distract her.

She rubbed her weary eyes as she trudged hurriedly down the dark hall. Unable to see where she was going, she nearly collapsed to the floor from colliding with something warm and firm until she found herself steadied by a pair of gentle but strong hands.

"Forgive me, Mrs. Hughes," Charles began.

His voice twisted the coil in her stomach once more. So much for a distraction...

"No," she replied nearly breathlessly. "I should have been watching where I was going. I apologize."

Charles blamed himself for the tiredness evident on her face and in her voice. Elsie, fully aware of their closeness, backed away from him slightly, as she was suddenly finding it quite difficult to breathe, and she was afraid that he would be able to see his affects on her.

"I have to go," she said, remembering that she was still running behind schedule.

"I hope to 'run into you' again later, then," Charles teased.

Elsie flashed him a warm smile, thankful that some form of normalcy still existed between them.

"You will," she promised before turning to head back down the hall, feeling a weight lift off of her chest.

"I love you," Charles whispered, certain that she would not hear.

His heart seemed to sink into his stomach as Elsie stopped in her tracks and slowly turned back to face him. He could see the uncertainty clouding her eyes even in the dimness of the hallway.

"Pardon me, Mr. Carson?"

**To be continued**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Yes?" Charles answered.

He wondered if she knew that he was stalling.

"What did you say?" she asked. "Just now."

"Oh." He swallowed hard. Had she heard him but was giving him an option to tell the truth or take it all back, or had she truly not heard what he had said? He couldn't quite read the blank expression on her face. "I think I said I love you."

Was she still standing? She wasn't even certain that she was.

"You _think_?" Elsie chuckled, though this was anything but funny.

Charles' heart pounded louder and louder with each slow, small step that she took toward him. He clenched his fists in an attempt to stop himself from shaking.

"No," he said quickly, stopping Elsie in her tracks.

She was within arm's reach now, close enough for him to see the way her lips trembled slightly as they deepened into a frown.

"Then that's not what you said?" she asked, confusion evident in her voice.

Or perhaps it's not what he _meant_, which was her greatest of fears.

"No, I meant I _know_. I do love you."

Elsie took a deep breath as she took another step toward him. She opened her mouth to reply but was promptly cut off by someone several feet behind her.

"Mrs. Hughes, you're needed in the kitchen."

Elsie sighed.

"Thank you, Anna," she replied without turning around. "I'll be right there."

"Duty calls," Charles said in a low, quiet voice.

"Yes, with impeccable timing, as usual" she replied somewhat sadly.

It was with great effort that Elsie turned away, leaving Charles standing there feeling uncertain, vulnerable, and all but rejected. When she had walked halfway down the hall, she stopped and turned back to him. He looked visibly crushed.

"Charles?"

He raised his head to look at her. Elsie could see, even at her distance, that his cheeks were flushed and his eyes were dim.

"I love you too."

**To be continued**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Elsie couldn't remember the last time silence had been so painful. Each tick of the clock seemed to hammer another notch into her already bruised heart. She sat on the edge of her seat and fidgeted with the hem of her sleeve, feeling just as anxious as an impatient child being forced to wait alone. She mentally scolded herself for preparing the tea so early; now it would get cold too soon, and who would want to drink cold tea? Charles would surely think her foolish for being so nervous and pathetically uncertain.

At the sound of his knock, Elsie was out of her seat in a jolt. She heaved a frustrated sigh at herself as she tried not to rush to answer the door. She hated the type of person that this was making her become.

"Mrs. Hughes," he greeted, quieter than he had intended, with a small smile.

It was somehow strange yet simultaneously comforting to hear him use her professional title after the events of that morning.

"Come in," she said, hoping that her voice sounded as steady and nonchalant as she had intended.

Elsie felt all her plans of rational conversation disintegrate the moment she sat down across from him and allowed him to catch her gaze. She dropped her head slightly in an attempt to hide the deep flush that she could feel traveling up her throat and across her cheeks. She felt a stir within her as Charles shifted in his seat.

"You know, you gave me quite a fright this morning," he spoke at last.

"Oh?" she replied, making an attempt to look him in the face but finding it too difficult to let him see the vulnerability she knew that was etched onto her face.

While Elsie generally considered herself an expert at hiding her thoughts and feelings from most people, Charles had somehow always been able to see straight through her defenses, and that terrified her, now more than ever.

"Yes." He gave what sounded like a sad chuckle. "When you walked away from me without a word, I was certain I had offended you."

"Offended me?" she repeated, sounding ridiculous to her own ears.

She raised her head but could not yet bring herself to make eye contact.

"When I told you I love you," he said slowly. "Did you mean it?"

There was a brief pause as Elsie nervously caught her lower lip with her teeth, but to Charles, it felt as if the moment would somehow become forever frozen in time as he waited.

"Mr. Carson..."

She had spoken his name so softly that he was not completely certain she hadn't simply mouthed the words. Something about the sadness in her eyes threatened to tear out his heart and set ablaze any remaining strength and hope he had left. Had she regretted her words to him? Had they only been spoken in the fading heat of the moment, or to placate him?

"I couldn't..." He could barely hear her words now over the pounding of his own heart. "That is to say, I am not the type of woman who could tell someone I love him if I didn't."

Charles sat as if he were made of stone. He tried to tease apart what she had said, fearfully seeking an indication that she was going to say that she had made a mistake and that she didn't love him after all.

Elsie held her breath as he rose from his seat and moved to stand before her. He held out his hand, and she took it, carefully but not at all hesitantly. She began to tremble as he helped her to her feet and stepped so close to her that she feared he could have heard the frantic beating of her heart. She felt a pull low in her stomach as Charles slipped a hand onto the curve of her waist.

"What do we call this?" he asked with a smile. "Whatever this is between us..."

Elsie gave a small laugh and a playful half shrug.

"Perhaps we could call it love."

"Good," Charles replied with a chuckle. "Because I do love you. I wanted to tell you so before I had made such a mess of things before."

Elsie opened her mouth to speak, but whatever she had meant to say was suddenly lost as he leaned in to close the remaining distance between them by enveloping her into his arms and finally experiencing the light, sweet taste of her kiss.

**The End**


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